NOT JUST TALKING
Eds Up talks to Sioban Boyce about the importance of non-verbal communication as
a foundation for the rest of children’s lives
Last year, Dundee University released
research claiming that rear-facing buggies
were better for babies and toddlers
because the child was much happier,
slept better and there was more verbal
interaction between parent and child.
Sioban Boyce was frustrated at the
research findings and subsequent media
coverage that focused on sleep and
happiness. She believes that we have
missed the key reason why children should
spend a lot of time face-to-face with
parents and carers.
On the eve of the Waterstones launch of her book,
Not Just Talking, Sioban spent time with us to
explain how, before we even start talking, the
foundations of communication, conversation and
interaction with others are based on non-verbal skills
and how these skills are picked up from day one.
Talking but not communicating
During the 1980s, Sioban worked as a Speech
and Language Therapist in the National Health
Service. Through her work, she discovered that
many of the children referred to her could tick all
the boxes verbally but she knew that there was still
something wrong:
“I became aware that children referred to me for
assessment could talk but were not communicating.
They had difficulty making friends, behaving as
expected, getting the best out of schools and
communicating about their emotions.”
She began to realise, through her subsequent
focused research, that the first few months and
years of a child’s life were key and that clear
changes in our modern day-to-day life could
potentially be impacting the baby’s development
of these basic skills.
So, what is non-verbal communication?
“Think what might happen if your five year-old talked
to his teacher in the way that he talks to his eight
year-old sister. Think too about what might happen if
he doesn’t recognise when his teacher first begins to
feel annoyed by his behaviour and only takes notice
when she has got to the point of being absolutely
furious,” asks Sioban. The answer is that he is likely
to find school difficult.
Between 60-90% of communication is non-verbal.
Non-verbal communication forms the basis ofsuccessful interaction and conversation. Facial
expressions, body language, the reading of
situations, gesture and intonation all add up to
help us behave appropriately in different situations.
We need to be able to understand all of this at
school, in social situations with young friends, with
adults. Right from the early years we need to be able
to talk effectively and gauge the emotions of others.
“The period before children start to talk is the
foundation for the rest of their lives,” believes Sioban.
What has today’s lifestyle got to do with it?
It is clearly recognised that babies and toddlers learn
through observing and modelling. They need to be
able to spend time watching other people, observing
face-to-face communication.
The major social changes that affect this skill learning
are the use of buggies, the lack of family meal
times and the reliance on TV and computers as
entertainment.
As soon as your baby is born, he
will start searching around for
faces – this is an innate desire
Go back to the 1950s and 60s and you will see that
the daily lives of our parents and our grandparents’
generations were very different. In the old days,
babies would have been surrounded by many
different people, things to look at, noises to decipher.
There would have been aunts and uncles,
grandparents, brothers and sisters cooing over
the baby, pulling faces and singing nursery rhymes.
Skills were handed down through generations and
extended family made it easier for the baby to
experience different things.
Between 60-90% of communication
is non-verbal
We all know that our lives just aren’t like this
anymore and we would be idealistic to think we
could go back in time. Fortunately, Sioban is really
keen to reassure parents that this is not the end of
the world and that with just a little extra work we can
make up for this.
So, how do we teach these skills?
As soon as a baby is born, it will scream – here
begins its learning of how to use vocal cords, lips
and tongue. This is essential preparation for learning
control of the tone and volume of his voice when he
starts speaking. The baby will then start searching
around for faces. This is an innate desire but it wanes
after about 24 hours if the baby is not stimulated.
Sioban believes that the more faces a baby sees
early on, the more expressions of emotions they clock.
Experience of these emotions will be filed in the brain
and will help children understand and recognise the
differences, (even subtle), between happiness, elation,
excitement, surprise, pride, shock, sadness, boredom,
annoyance, anger, fury, bemusement, grief…
Modelling and imitation
During the early days, Sioban says to have a go at
“holding your baby in front of you so that you are
looking directly at his face. You need to be quite close
to him, about 30cm away. When he looks at you,
stick your tongue out at him. Repeat this expression
a few times. As long as he is gazing intently at you,
he should gradually start to try to stick his tongue
out, imitating your expression.” He is unable to make
out fine detail but will see principal features. This
encourages imitation, a key communication skill.
Most advice is to ensure bonding with your baby but
communication skills are far more important and
should be your first concern. Bonding is only
possible through communication.
Big faces, big talk
There is always debate on how we should speak
to children. Sioban does not believe in the idea of
talking to babies and toddlers like an adult. Shethinks that it leads to problems because, as they
grow up, they won’t know how to talk to their peers:
“Children who experience only one type of conversation
will grow up being able to communicate only in that
one style.”
So, for her, simple talk, exaggerated intonation and
big expressions help them learn. Playing face-to-face
with the baby and allowing them to copy exaggerated
facial expressions enables them to pick up clues
e.g. “a frown, a smile, a nod of the head, a wave of
the hand.” These expressions should be “loud” and
“obvious”. Doing this also helps children develop
their facial muscles.
Singing nursery rhymes to them when they are
babies and together, when they are older, teaches
intonation patterns, rhythm, stresses to be placed
on different words. Through the repetition of these
rhymes it becomes embedded.
Children need to be able to
understand facial expressions,
body language, the reading of
situations, gesture and intonation
in order to behave appropriately
at school, in social situations
with young friends and when
talking to adults
Two-way interaction
Sioban advises parents: “Always make sure you get
close to your baby, so that she can see your face
clearly: bend over the cot, get down on the floor with
her, lift her onto your knee.” This can be continued
as children get older as it is a reminder to them to
look at people in the face when communicating.
Good opportunities to interact are when you are
feeding them. You send each other signals and looks
(whether they want more, have had enough and so
on) – receiving them and replying to them. This
teaches how to wait your turn in conversation.
Allowing children to play with others their own age
also gives them the opportunity to interact with their
peers and experience a different kind of situation
that will have social benefits at schools and as they
grow up.
Predicting what’s going to happen?
“Without prediction, kids will be in turmoil, develop
anxiety and potentially depression because they
are unable to predict what is going to happen next.
As adults we know the stress that we feel if, for
example, we go for a job interview and we then
have to wait to find out whether we have got the
job. If children are unable to predict, these are the
emotions that they feel from moment to moment,”
says Sioban, “When we are anxious… we become
tongue-tied and struggle to express ourselves.”
If they can develop the skill to predict, children will
feel “more confident and therefore better able to
communicate,” able to predict other people’s
reactions to what they are about to say and therefore
judge how best to approach saying it.
This skill can start from early feeding with the spoon:
“Here comes the train into the station,” and can becontinued through the use of simple phrases telling
them, for example, what you are going to do next,
talking through each stage of an activity and signalling
when the activity is about to come to an end.
Will today’s lifestyle really affect them?
Buggies: Many believe that it is important for children
to sit in a buggy that faces forward so that they can
see the world around them: “It is probably the buggy
more than anything else that has reduced the
amount of time that babies spend watching people
hold conversations. Sitting in a pram, the baby can
see his mother and, most likely, whoever she might
be talking to,” says Sioban.
This leads to a one-sided conversation if the child is
sitting forward and it makes it difficult for them to tell
whether they are being spoken to, if the parent is
talking to someone else or chatting on their mobile
phone. It also means that they are unable to look at
the parent or carer’s face and model their
expressions and behaviour.
“It is the buggy more than anything
else that has reduced the amount of
time that babies spend watching people
hold conversations”
This doesn’t mean however you have to throw out
your forward-facing buggy, “it just means you need
to compensate a little more for it.” Sioban advises
that that buggy should be high enough so that they
can see and hear conversation and that when having
a conversation with your child or friends, make sure
that you have turned the buggy round to face you.
TV and computers: When babies and toddlers are
placed in front of the television or computers, the
signals and behaviour on the flat screen are too
complicated and subtle for them to pick up. Sioban
believes it is far better for them to watch you talking
whilst you are doing things. Similarly, computers are
best placed in a family room rather than in the child’s
bedroom so that interaction between the family
can continue.
Family meal table: With the loss of family meal times
or sitting at the table, rather than in front of the TV,
children are denied the experience of seeing group
interaction and conversation with parents, siblings
and friends. Sioban believes that this is an easy time
for the skills to be picked up and things like watching
the food being prepared, laying the table, calling out
to the family when the meal is ready etc. all add up
to help children predict what is going to happen and
how to react to it.
Good news!
What is fantastic about the teaching of these skills
to children, says Sioban, is the fact that children
can learn from anyone. It does not have to come
down just to the parents. So carers, nursery staff
and friends will all contribute to the building of
communication techniques and they don’t entail
loads of complicated exercises.
The other good news is that it is easy! Sioban
believes that we can do it by simply looking for
opportunities and gauging situations in daily life that
allow children to experience faces and communication
around them.
In this interview, we have merely touched the surface
on the work of Sioban Boyce, which includes
focusing on signing, self-awareness, routine, getting
ready to talk and more! Sioban wants to get the
training spread out nationally so that every education
or health authority is passing this information on to
new parents to make life a little easier for children
through school years and beyond. Until then, her
book is a fantastic place to start!